1 August · Girlfriend’s Day

Ria, I miss you louder than I ever let on.

Give me four minutes. Read all the way down. There is something waiting for you at the bottom.

Start reading

We never actually ended.

Something went wrong in March and then we let months of silence sit on top of it, and silence is a terrible way to say anything at all.

I told myself I was fine with how it went. I was not fine. I just got very good at looking busy, and busy is a great place to hide.

Then your name showed up on my screen again and I sat there staring at it like an idiot, grinning at a phone. Two months later I still do that.

Your texts.

I reread them. That is the whole confession.

“have you eaten today”

Three words. Somehow the whole day gets lighter.

“saw this and thought of you”

You thought of me. On a random Tuesday. For no reason.

“goodnight and don’t sleep on the couch o”

Nobody else notices where I fall asleep. I need someone to.

“call me when you’re free”

Work actually gets busy. Somehow it has never once been busy for you.

swipe

Nag me again.

You had opinions about my sleep. About me skipping meals. About the way I say I’m fine when I am very clearly not fine.

I used to think it was a lot. Then it stopped, and the quiet was so much worse.

  • Have you eaten today, and do not lie to me
  • Why are you still awake
  • You are doing too much again
  • Text me when you get home
  • Stop saying you are fine

Nobody else does this. I checked.

Before you, I was just getting through the days.

Now the day has a point. I do things so I have something to tell you about later.

That is what you gave me. Not butterflies. A reason.

0 days since the first time
0 days we spent being stubborn
0 days since you texted first

I did not count the middle one on purpose. My phone did.

For you

I got you something.

It is small and it is not clever. It is your day though, and I cannot be there to hand it to you myself. So open it.